Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
and you fell through a lawn chair
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
