Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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