Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
