u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
