At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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