hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
