when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
