I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
