hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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