She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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