so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
