And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
