i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
