i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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