don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
