tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have fence marks all over my body
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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