well I can't set my house on fire every night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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