It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
