We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
