i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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