you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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