im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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