Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
