I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
