Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I touched a dick in church today
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
