Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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