He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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