I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
