She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize