just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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