i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
