what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
