Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
