at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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