New invention idea: vibrating tampons
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
whose parrot is this?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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