Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
