he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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