They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
