Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
