Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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