A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
