Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize