I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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