I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
