I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize