i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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