onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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