I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
