Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My balls are so social today.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You've changed since you got that strap on
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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