I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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