i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
