i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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