sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
