And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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