NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
