Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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