You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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