glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
