WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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