Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i already hear my dad disowning me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
