It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
