no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
