dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
