so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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