Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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