I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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