just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm like, not good at living.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
