Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
