i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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