So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
