did you get engaged???
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
