I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
