dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
